Posts Tagged ‘Lupita Nyong’o’

Some time not so long ago when the whole world seemed to be all #teamlupita, I too was bit by the ‘lupi’-bug. ‘We’ won an Oscar, and several other prestigious awards, ‘we’ slayed every red carpet event we went to, made great speeches that have people talking to date, we’ve been featured on this magazine and that news article, we became a beauty symbol #teamnatural  The symptoms subsided with time but  I feel a relapse coming on so I thought why not remind myself of just how deep into lupi-world I was. Wrote this very serious application letter then…

 Ref: Application for Groupie for Ms. Lupita Nyong’o

I would like to express my extreme interest in the position above. I have been following your rise to star-dom (in a healthy, non-stalker-ish sense) since before Shuga and I’m blown away by your great talents. When it grows up, my talent wants to be just as great.

I am currently groupie to some of the greats, Gift Kyansimire, a talented poet and creative writer who also dabbles in photography, Ms. Rachel Wamoto, my esteemed roommate and also the greatest Dj I have ever had the honor of dancing to and Ms Jacquitta Wangui, who has one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard. You may never have heard of them but when they explode in their respective industries and their talents become the talk of every red carpet event u may also experience the greatness they have to offer the world as I have been. That just goes to show how dedicated a groupie I can be to you.
This will in no way affect my duties to you, as I have been told I have enough “groupiness” to fill a bottom less pit and then some.

I can scream and cheer on demand my voice never goes hoarse for at least ten hours of top-of-the-lung screaming. I can also boo your less-talented peers off stages with a 97% proven success rate. I come with my own, clappers, bongo drums, fire crackers, whistle, face paint and other groupie-related paraphernalia.

I can start immediately but for big shows and red carpet events I will need at least 4 days notice to prepare. Sadly I don’t just ‘wake up like this’.

References and full resume available upon request.

I look forward to your positive response.

Thank you in advance.
Cynthia .A.