Posts Tagged ‘Lies we tell’

She walked down the aisle thinking that was it. That was the moment she had been waiting for. The dream she had always wished would come true. The smiling faces filled the pews to capacity. The flowers, the ribbons, the tiny umbrellas hanging from the church ceiling; everything was perfect. The pianist played her favorite love song of all time as she slowly walked down the aisle. She felt like all her life, everything she had gone through had all somehow led to this moment. It had to have been written in stone somewhere in heaven. It was meant to happen, meant to be, meant to last now and forever.
She got to the front, found his hand and they knelt before the altar, before God. They went through the motions; the vows, the rings, the ‘I dos’. Hand in hand, they walked back down the aisle toward the church doors. The smiling faces of family, friends and church still filled the pews to capacity. The flowers, the ribbons, and the party rice everyone flung on them for good luck now covered the freshly polished, hardwood floors.

The church doors flung open. They opened out to a new life, a new reality…and May? May wasn’t supposed to be here. Not today. She said she couldn’t come; that she wouldn’t dare. She said she couldn’t bear watching him marry her. Not after everything that had happened between them. May was an emotional wreck when it ended and so was she. But it had to be that way, they both knew it. That wasn’t the dream, this was. And isn’t love in its purest, most ideal form supposed to last forever? Isn’t it supposed to transcend circumstance and distance alike?

As the sun rays hit the new bride, something else did too but not as suddenly as you may think. Gradually, slowly, she soaked it in. She looked around at all the beauty, the joy. She heard the laughter; she felt the warmth,the love. She looked at her mother and she could see her face change from a smile to a worried frown. Mothers can always tell when something is terribly wrong with their babies. She looked back at him, her new husband. He was the love of her life, her now and forever. That was the last time he saw her. She left him, she left all the smiling faces in the pews and no one ever knew why, and even she didn’t. Not really. He walked back through the glorious church doors and down the aisle, knew that that was it.

It was over even before it even began. 

Tell me what I want to hear. Lie to my face, twist the truth into so many knots I could never hope to untangle. Keep the pain and the truth; I do not want it. Let’s pretend for a few hours, maybe days. Let me lick the sweet deception off of you. Let me swallow the lies. Pull both my legs. Let me spend the night in a cloud, a bubble, a world of our own. Half-truths, white lies, twisted logic,shove ‘em all sweetly down my throat, one after another and let the syrup drip down my lips. Hypnotize me with your B.S, don’t hold back. Don that mask, let’s have a ball, a masquerade of sorts. No, don’t you dare bring down the facade, you beautiful two-faced monster. I don’t want the real you. Don’t shower me with your real emotions, your true feelings, don’t show me your heart. Fool me once, twice, a hundred times over. Be the snake you were always meant to be. Smile Mr. Fox, show me your fangs Mr. Snake. Plunge the knife deeper, I could turn around, draw a target on my back, make it easier for you. I’m at your mercies trickster. Let me turn the other cheek, once, twice over. Break me. Let me feed your ego, fuel it with my humiliation at your hand, make it grow, make it soar. Screw me over. Let me be the butt of all your jokes. Poke, prod. Here’s a hammer, and a few nails, have at it. Take all the time you want, until what is left of me are only shreds of what I used to be.

*Sometimes we find ourselves unwittingly addicted to certain kinds of pain. *Sometimes, we unknowingly let people, situations walk all over us because we feel we do not deserve better.

‘I’m not worth loving’

‘I’m not good enough’

‘He/She is too good for me’

‘Where else would I go’

‘Who else would love me’

‘He/she hurts me but I need him/her’

‘It could be worse’

‘If I leave this job, then what?’

*I know we were created for more; to multiply, replenish, restore, have dominion over the earth put in our care, over my little sphere of influence yet sometimes all I seem to be able to do is wallow in self-pity, doubt, fear and hurt.

*Sometimes all I want to do is curl up in my bed, hug my pillow and just hide out for a bit.

*But how can you conquer if you don’t fight?*