29

I’m startled from my sleep sometimes by thoughts of my impending doom. Probable failure trickles down my back in a cold sweat.

29 years old…

Never been rich, never been famous

Never swam with the dolphins,never meditated with the Tibetan monks
Never eaten, prayed or loved my way around the world
Never been at the foothills of Mount Everest or on the peaks of the great Kilimanjaro
Never danced with the lions of Serengeti or raced with the cheetahs of the Mara
Living from paycheck to paycheck, heartbreak to heartbreak
Never had my name engraved on a plaque and pasted on a door, never had a corner office on the 39th floor
No house to my name, no treasury bonds maturing at the Central Bank, no millions hidden under my mattress
No stone ring on my finger, no fussy baby on my bosom spitting onto my new white chiffon blouse
No husband to cook for,waiting with his feet up on the poof
No boyfriend to pine for or throw jealous fits about, no distant lover’s photo to frame and place under my pillow

Society frowns on people like me, tells me am growing old, that I’m unaccomplished, that it’s about time,that my ‘girl’s’ clock is ticking. “Cobwebs will grow down there if they haven’t already” Haha! Wouldn’t that be a sight!

Never been on Broadway, never been cast in one of those billion dollar coca cola ads (how does one even apply?)
Never dug wells in the desert, never built homes for the destitute, never planted a forest to save the future

Still, I can’t say I haven’t lived
I have loved to the point of breaking (I think I even broke that one time)
I have kissed and been kissed till my knees grew weak and my feet swept off the ground in sheer bliss
I smile till my jaws ache, laugh till my voice chords grow sore
I have lost plenty and gained much
I have dreamt* of taking bullets for those I love
I jump at the privilege to love and care to the point of smothering, ask anyone,
I can’t help it

I write my soul out
I have written to get by, to heal, to move on from those I have loved and lost

I have written to keep the active volcano that is my emotions in check
I have written to release the fires within, of dangerous lust, insatiable desire,unquenchable rage, crippling distress and immeasurable joy
Oh and I also write to earn my keep
29 years old,
I haven’t done a lot but what I have done I am grateful for, those I have met, those who have left, those who chose to stay,
those I love with undying devotion, those I would love to hate but cannot
The sun the moon the stars and all that jazz
29 years old and I love being me even when I don’t.