I’m so easy to love…Psyke!!

Posted: July 11, 2016 in My truth
Tags: , , , , , ,

Hahahaha….

‘Stop overthinking’: If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me and a nickel for each time it was followed by me fuming and imploding well I would have a sock full of nickels to flipping pound on my wall and a drawer full of dollar notes to fix it with.

‘Speak your mind. Stop feeling like you need to hold back’

But then you do and it comes back to bite you. I’m tired, tired of every time I tricked myself into being emotionally open, share my crazy with someone and all that’s left is dust in my face from their sprinting away.

‘Why are you being so emotional’ Oh my Goodness, someone get me my sock of nickels to bash in the next mouth that dares to utter those words to me. You know what let’s do this, let’s be all smiles, all meadows and rainbows, all ‘oh my gosh this is the best day ever’ EVERYDAY. Let’s be all composed, all in control of our emotions, all joyous and indifferent to anything above a certain decibel of reaction. Let’s all suck it in because, well, we don’t want to empower the stereotype:

‘I’m a lady so I get irrationally/illogically emotional sometimes and in those moments, I should not be taken seriously…AAArgh!!!…see’

So maybe I can’t help myself, I’m trapped in the cycle rather am trapped in my chromosomes.

‘cruise through life with joy and simplicity’, innocent statement right? One filled with meaning and sense and seems suitable for whichever situation right? Wrong! Not after I just explained to you how I feel you have been distant and how you have pulled away from me yet before we talked all day every day. You shared your feelings with me, promised I could call you day or night and you’d be there. Turns out, it came with conditions.  I’m not even asking to see you or be with you every day, honestly that would irritate the heck out of me. But once you form a pattern and then one day it just changes; I’m I unjustified in asking what’s up? In wondering if I did something or if you did something and somehow it’s trickling down to me? Let’s not even talk about that, tell me about your day, how stressful it was because you have a big contract, how you’ve had a lot on your mind and all that has drained you and you are just too tired now to deal with too many things so you are choosing to focus on work. Let me worry about communicating when you can’t. But you just check out of the friendship and what seemed to me to have been deep interest in me and you expect me to check out too? Without hesitation? Without question? Oh sweetie I’m not that simple.

But you know what; clearly, my concerns whether founded or unfounded don’t matter to you. Clearly, you would prefer it when am all sweet and composed and flirty and ‘loveable’. AAAAARGGGHHHH!!!

So what is it that makes me this way?

·       Sudden change in routine

·       Sudden decrease in attention

·       Sudden switch form friendship to romance and vice versa

Just a shift in balance generally. So for someone who has not seen that side of me, it may come as a surprise. I’m done though. Just cruising now. No pushing, no emotionally inclined reactions, just joy and simplicity. Hahaha, I can’t even say that with a straight face. I am who I am.

BUT for your sake; no, you don’t have to get to know my crazy side, you don’t need to invest any more time or feelings on me. Was it even real? Or just seasonal, changing with convenience or timing or schedule? You just do your thing drummer-boy, work, church, whatever. When you talk to me, I’ll still be me but only just. You don’t have to meet me at my level of crazy, ‘overreacting or overthinking’. I have a short-apologetic temper. I bitch, I whine when I feel like someone does not understand me but I choose to write it down than say it because when people say:

‘Don’t overthink it, just say how you feel or what you think’ I have come to find that they are just as foolish for saying it as I am foolish for believing it.

And here comes the apologetic part..hehe because you can’t be defined as emotional if your mood doesn’t change atleast 3 times in the same breathe.

I could be wrong, I mean they say if several many people have a problem with something about you; it could be true or at least have some level of truth. But understand me ok, if I have a problem with how different you are treating me should you sit back and just say ‘You are overthinking shit, just sit back and relax’?

Or should you flipping try and see it from my point of view. Walk a mile or even just 10feet in my black army boots. Is that so hard to ask??????????!!!!!!!!

Whichever way, I’ll just be here, cruising in simplicity and joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahaha! who am I kidding, if I could make and burn an effigy of you right now right on my front yard, I have a feeling I would.

P.S: to prove just how irrationally emotional I can be, I wont even spell check this. DONE!!

IMG20140705101006

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Comments
  1. gaellekosgey says:

    Reblogged this on gaelleweb and commented:
    I so love this post..I relate to it 200%

    Like

  2. […] Source: I’m so easy to love…Psyke!! […]

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